Justifying my existance

Justifying my existence.
I don’t feel like I can justify my existence if I am in no way capable of deciding the fate of anyone, myself included. I am deluding myself to think that I can possibly choose life or death in as much as I did not choose to be born nor am I responsible for choosing to die. Life was given to me almost unknowlingly, and it shall be taken from me similarly. It’s good to know that I want to live and don’t want to die. It’s like candy being taken from baby who doesn’t remember how he got it. It doesn’t matter, he has candy but it’s been taken away. So I want to live but now I am writing about my lack of motivation since returning from overseas/ What was it about overseas that made me work so hard and diligently? Was it the sex? Was it the relaxation? Was it the massive surplus of energy I had from overconsumption? Let us ponder a moment the thoughts that went on upon my return. I was feeling powerful, like the controller of my destiny and my path and somehow able to influence where I went in life and what I saw and did/ of course that is all a delusation. So really what happened was that I returned from overseas deluded about the world and bought into Th’s illusion. Which is the very samillusaion I sought to extricate myself from. So as before when I wanted pureness of thought and then was pulled back into being human I am again defiant in my assertion that I am no longer human if everything I do is chosen and potential is proof enough. But if potential is proof enough I should die now as everything isn’t but choice but preordained by causal reality. I started saying something against potential is proof enough but it seems I have forgotten the art of self control and self determination and my strong will is gone. It is easy to live but draining to live boldly. I am built imperfectly but I have aspirations of perfection. I also have to cut my nails, shower, shit, shave, get my shiek costume out and drive to fresh’s. I should check facebook for the address and see if it easily comes up in Gmaps. Wow, in the space of one page I have avoided the need to justify my existence. Which makes a very valid point, I do not need to validate my existence, I do not need to justify my right to live. Nobody is able to do this, why should I impose such vagrant and false implications upon my life. Who would ever say I do not deserve to live, everyone deserves to live and to live in a way that makes them comfortable. So I will no longer seek to justify my existence, because I cannot even begin to justify existence itself. But if I were to try I would first seek to justify the division between existence and non-existance. But then under my again limiting rule of unity, existence and non-existance are just the pertinent effects of the concept of change. So in the beginning there was uniformity, unity, perfection. Then there was more than one. There was two concepts. So Concepts are born. But something had to have born the idea of concepts. God? Again we come to this argument to define not existence but to justify existence itself. So If God or whatever it was chose for concepts to exist, therefore by it’s very nature there is a creator. Who may or may not have been sentient. Actually no, a rock cannot create concepts, a rock is a concept. Existance is a concept and everything within creation is born of a single concept. And that concept is Faith. Black in no way defines white. But Faith defines Doubt. One does not define Two. But Faith by it’s existence defines Doubt. So in the beginning before the heavens and the earth there was the truth. And then there was faith in that truth and at the same time there was doubt in the truth. So there is a deeper truth behind 1=1. In the meantime I will retain 1=1 and this document. So to move deeper we have to look at the truth. The single truth, the only sovereign truth, amongst infinite concepts, constructs, cocks. What truth could possibly end with faith and doubt as it’s ultimate progeny. Seek it out Albert, Seeeeeeeeekkkkkoooouuttttthhheeeettrruuutthhhh!!!!!!!!!


Have faith that you have the right to exist.